"YOU think more of football than you do of me!"

Does that phrase sound familiar? The symptoms of a football animal are truly classic and frustrating for the non-supporter - especially when he's a man.

Female fans are noted for their unpredictable bouts of depression. They have lucky clothes, a lucky friend, a lucky spot on the ground and they forget birthdays, anniversaries, appointments, names of their children but are able to rattle off a whole season's fixtures with no trouble at all.

But you can't blame men for grumbling. They have become the all-cleaning, all-ironing new man of the '90s only to find they are marooned at home, baby in one hand, vacuum cleaner in the other, while their female partner is gorging on pies and penalties on the terraces chanting "You're supposed to be at home."

More and more women are hungry for football and are turning out in their hundreds to see match after match. Like the men, they can't resist a childish joke with football connotations, are well-versed in terrace language and judge people by the colour of their team's shirt.

Yet most men persist in thinking women and football do not mix. But how wrong could they be?

Here's the run of play from three soccer-crazy ladies.

Dutch dribbling tactics, in evidence in Holland's bid for the Euro '96 championship, are being practised by schoolchildren at Ivy Street Community Centre, Blackburn, thanks to Anne Ellwood, area recreation officer for Blackburn Council's community and leisure department.

"I've been really excited about Euro '96 and wanted the kids to be able to take away these skills and see them in action on the big games," said Anne, the first women to qualify as a senior coach with the Welsh FA and a former player for northern side Bronte.

The 38-year-old Welshwoman, of Bold Street, Accrington, literally owes her life to football. "I caught hepatitis while on holiday in Austria as a teenager and the doctor said if I hadn't been so fit from playing football I wouldn't have been able to fight it off and would have died. Football was my life then - and it still is."

Her 20-month-old daughter Sarah is already kicking a ball around and her three-year-old sister Rebecca can perform some fancy footwork.

Football is the main bone of contention in the Ellwood household, with Anne a staunch Burnley fan and husband Carl a supporter of Blackburn Rovers.

"Rovers wouldn't be where they are if they didn't have all that money . . ." said Anne, who committed a foul when she bought Burnley FC togs, wrapped them up and pretended they were presents from a relative.

"Carl will kill me when he reads this," she giggled. "He'll throw the clothes out. I drive him mad as it is with football. It's a good job I didn't win the lottery, isn't it? I'd have bought Burnley FC." She said: "I'm proud of what I've achieved in women's football, which will be as big as the men's game in the future. Euro '96 has sparked off a lot of interest in the family and I know a lot of women will be tuning in to watch it. They just won't be as noisy about it."

Not true in the case of 18-year-old Angela Ralph, a new signing for Liverpool's ladies' team, who confessed: "I really like to shout and cheer at a match. And if the ref makes a bad decision, I shout at him as well."

Rovers supporter Angela, from Holland Street, Accrington, has played for the Clitheroe Ladies team since she was 10 years old and is part of the Blackburn College girls team who fly out to Sweden next month to join over 60 countries competing in the Gothia Cup.

"We will be playing the best women players in world. It will be a great experience and I'm looking forward to it," said Angela, who was stopped from playing in the Hyndburn Boys' District League when she was a youngster because she was a girl.

A spinal injury suffered in a work accident left Everton fan Louise Innes unable to work, but it didn't stop her refereeing from the sidelines for her team Wolstenholme Rink, which she set up 10 years ago to give local lads a "sense of belonging" and "to stop them falling into drugs."

Louise has also refereed men's football leagues - and their reaction to a skirt on the pitch was anything but warm.

"They gave me a lot of stick. There was a lot of foul and abusive language. I would just send them off and tell them to take a shower. One player even said: 'How can a woman give a penalty?' Men think women know nothing about football and should be home cooking the Sunday dinner," said Louise.

If there is such a thing as a true fan, 40-year-old Everton supporter Louise is just that. She has a scrapbook and autograph book, videos and framed pictures of footballers. Her hero is Manchester City player Nigel Clough. She is turning a bedroom into a football shrine, subscribes to the monthly FA Mag and her dream would be to have dinner with the Everton players at the club before watching them play.

"I live and breathe football," said grandma Louise, who lives with husband Alan, 40, and children Lee, 20, and Danielle, 12, at St Albans Road, Darwen.

She added: "Euro 96 is a big family event. The phone is switched off, visitors have to sit down and watch the game or leave and we order pizzas and curries to tuck into while watching. It's great fun."

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.