YOU'RE one off a million. Okay? Breathe in. Take your time. We're all rooting for you.

There's your cheque for half a million - but we don't want to give you that! Oh, no! We want you to have the biggy.

You've still got 'Phone a Friend'. So, here goes, for the top prize.

Question : What's it all about, Alfie? (or Bob, or Mary - insert own name). Is it (life, that is):

a a great pleasure dome to scamper around, satisfying every appetite you ever dreamed of? Or:

b A universe-size casino, in which you and your lovely kids just happen, by chance, to be nothing more than selfish machines called genes, with no other purpose but to reproduce?

Or is life:

c A mystery tour, during which you help others because it feels good, or just in case there's some almighty somebody or other to answer to at the end of time?

Or finally, is it:

d A wonderland of incredible complexity and beauty in which you, dear reader, just happen to be the apple of the Creator's eye - a very special member of a very special human race who reside in the heart of loving Creator?

That's it. Take your time. As you can now see, there's a lot more than a mere million riding on your answer.

Are you an animal, an accident, an agnostic or the apple of God's eye?

You want to call a friend? Fine. Being a vicar,could I suggest a good one?