Brothers and sisters and everyone else who knows me let's have a break up and do it via our texts - it's so much easier. No need to find a secret place to meet and no need to waste our bills with a long pointless phonecall.
And so it came to pass one long winter's evening:
LB: Hi
CALLER: Hia cuty where u bin?
LB: At home mostly. Bin sik. U?
CALLER: Shopin at traf centre with mates. Y havn't u called? missd u baby.
LB: Bin busy with sik.
CALLER: Sik? So did u ask parents bout marriage?
LB: Yeah sick... asked parents gonna be diff cult. Want me to go Pakistan to meet gal. Don't wanna go...but hav 2.
CALLER: Wat did u say?
LB: Nothin. Dad gets vexed all time. Says he's sik too. Luv u baby xxx
CALLER: Luv u 2? Can we meet tomoz? I need to C u. xxx
LB: Still sik. goin London.
CALLER: If ur sik why r u goin London?
LB: Gotta go funeral.
CALLER: Y?
LB: Cause...hav 2.
CALLER: I think we shud hav a talk. Cum town tomoz.
LB: I think we shud hav a break till things calms down.
CALLER: Y?
LB: Jus.
CALLER: Y u bein like dis? u okay? Ur da 1 4 me xxxx
LB: But ur not 1 4 me. Jus confused bout lyfe.
CALLER: U sein sum 1 else?
LB: No. But if I wuz wud u still luv me.
PAUSE 20 MINUTES
CALLER: Call me.
LB: Will call afta. busy now. Gotta sum bizniz to look afta. resp
PAUSE 42 MINUTES
CALLER: OK don't eva call me again.
LB: I won't.
CALLER: I H8 U so much rite now. U can hav ur stupid ring.
LB: Wateva. Lol
PAUSE 32 HOURS
LB: U there?
CALLER: Yes. wat do u want? I told u leave me alone.
LB: OK BH.
PAUSE 6 DAYS
LB: Lovey I think I made big mistake. wanna meet up?
CALLER: No. I met sum1 else. leave me alone.
LB: Why u such a BH? I luv u.
CALLER: So wat? u were seeing Yas behind my back? jus admit it.
LB: NO! who told u? Was it Taz? who u wid now?
CALLER: 4 get who told me I know everything. Ur lyd 2 me.
LB: Jus let me xplain.
NO ANSWER
PAUSE 2 DAYS
LB: baby I think I'm dyin.
NO ANSWER
LB: Ur a BH. I saw u in town wid that gy. Y did u ignore me?
NO ANSWER
LB: I got a new Merc 4 Eid
NO ANSWER
LB: Eid Mubarak and happy new year
NO ANSWER
LB: Baby txt me PLEEZ!
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