SPORTS pages over the past month have been dominated with stories about a 'crazy' American heading for England.

Now we've sent a squad of mad Englishmen to America.

Any player who didn't have the nous to pull out of England's sham of a tour to the United States needs their heads examining.

Sven Goran Eriksson's side face Chicago on Saturday and Colombia on Tuesday.

But even the Swede won't recognise half of his own players.

Virtually the whole first team squad have withdrawn from the meaningless friendlies.

Even Matthew Upson and Michael Dawson pulled out!

Any Yanks expecting to see Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Rio Ferdinand and Wayne Rooney will instead get Peter Crouch, Kieran Richardson and Zat Knight.

So what's the point? These players won't get a sniff at England's World Cup squad.

The team to face Chicago will bear no resemblance to side which will line up for the opener in Germany 2006.

The fact is, all of these players should be on a beach, not being flogged like dead horses at the end of one of the most draining domestic campaigns in Europe.

The football season is becoming so stretched, some players will only get a three-week break.

Blackburn winger Morten Gamst Pedersen hasn't stopped for 13 months after joining Rovers straight after the Norwegian season finished.

On Tuesday, he was back in action for Norway in a friendly against Costa Rica.

And next month, he plays two more games - one a World Cup qualifier against Italy, the other a money-spinning friendly.

Fellow Rovers midfielder Steven Reid has to travel to the Faroe Islands on June 8 for a World Cup game, giving him less than a month away from football.

But the biggest joke is the Confederations Cup.

Both Lucas Neill and Brett Emerton face at least two games for Australia in June.

The Aussies travel to Germany to play Argentina on June 18 and Tunisia three days later.

The tournament doesn't end until June 29, only a week before pre-season training starts.

Fans are the big losers.

What chance do we have of seeing a decent game in the Premiership when half of the players are shattered?

And what chance do we have of winning a World Cup next year when we've caned the players all year round? It's going to be hard enough as it is with Sven in charge.

I WOKE up this morning white as a sheet after one of the greatest footballing nights of my life.

I was born and bred in Anfield, so watching Liverpool pick up the European Cup for the fifth time was incredible.

It was incredible because we've been such an average team for more than a decade. After finishing fifth in the Premiership - behind Everton! - it seems surreal that this morning we're the kings of Europe.

It was incredible because I'd given the game up at half-time.

And it was incredible because I won £50 off Clarets reporter Darren Bentley.

Life doesn't get sweeter.

WHAT a tough job Martin O'Neill had at Celtic.

Battling week in, week out with some of football's elite sides north of the border, he performed miracles to keep the Buoys in the top two.

After losing the Scottish title on the final day of the season, O'Neill said: "We have been up there consistently again every single year since I've been at the football club.

"We have either won the championship or been battling for it on the final day of the season."

Well done, Martin. You deserve a medal for keeping Kilmarnock at bay.

RIO Ferdinand this week admitted overtaking a police car at 105mph.

It is his fourth driving ban in eight years, including a conviction for drink driving.

And what was his punishment? A 28-day ban, £1,500 fine and £35 in prosecution costs.

£1,535! He earns that in an hour and a half - about the time it takes to have a drugs test.