I HATE The Wizard of Oz, but that doesn’t mean I want it re-written.

Years ago, I endured endless TV replays of the stupid musical, and now it’s back, with a slightly re-written storyline and some of the original songs replaced with new ones penned by the extremely smug multi-millionaire Andrew Lloyd-Webber.

As if that isn’t bad enough in itself, we now have to endure the obligatory reality TV programme, in which the search for a new Dorothy and Toto the Dog takes place, with the winners starring in a West End Production of said show.

How many times are we going to have to listen to hopeless wannabes singing tedious songs about yellow brick roads and going off to see wizards? And that’s just the dogs!

The judges include the always annoying Charlotte Church and the usually sensible Sheila Hancock, who defended the programme by saying it and its ilk helped attract people into the theatre. Yes, crap theatre.

This weekend saw a double header to launch the series, and I managed to stomach around 12 minutes in total. It was more than enough.

Thousands turned up to audition, 20 with names such as Bronte Barbe making a kind-of poor person’s end of season play-offs — and hell, weren’t they irritating?

The whole over-riding feel of this programme was one of self-satisfaction, from the judges, host Graham Norton, Lloyd Webber and the contestants.

We’ve already had similar programmes for Joseph and The Sound of Music and as long as people continue to watch, those of us who simply don’t care who the new Dorothy or Phantom is, will have to sit tight until every last musical has had the life wrung out of it.

Apparently, around 4.5 million tuned in to the first episode, which doesn’t seem that many to me. Fingers crossed, then.