AND they're off - the annual "please make me more famous" competition between wannabes and has-beens (also known as Celebrity Big Brother) has begun.

The runners and riders have only been in the house one night and already ridiculous "rock God" Donny Tourette (a spoof surely?) has been throwing tantrums, Ken Russell has been flashing his meat and two veg, and Dirk Benedict is predicting a riot over the lack of food.

Watching the housemates arriving was . . . well, pretty much the same as watching 11 strangers enter the house in the normal non-celeb version of the show - I didn't have a clue who half of them were.

And, hilariously, it seemed like most of them didn't know who the others were.

How their faces fell when they realised the most famous among them included a fuzzy-headed Leo Sayer and bitter Sunday Mirror journalist Carole Malone.

There are certainly no Baywatch stars.

In fact it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say the Big Brother house resembled an old people's home more than a place for hip and happening young stars, with 79-year-old director Ken Russell, 61-year-old Dirk Benedict and six contestants over 40.

We're promised this year's show will be "more devious and twisted than ever before".

Let's hope so, because there's not much in the way of star spotting to keep us interested.