REMEMBER the days when motoring programmes were all about cars?

You'd get some headmasterly figure like William Woollard in a sweater or dad of the ginger from Supergrass talking about the latest model from British Leyland or taking a Vauxhall for a drive.

Occasionally there might be the odd feature on rallying or the introduction of seat belts, but basically the cars were at the centre of everything.

Fast forward to the year 2006 and the magnificent Top Gear, which has managed to pull off the impossible trick of producing a motoring programe which is loved by people who at best don't even care about cars.

And then there's Fifth Gear!

Poor old Channel Five. They must have thought that by taking former Top Gear presenters Tiff Needell and the Zara Phlips lookalike, Vicky Butler-Henderson, they'd have a hit on their hands.

Sadly Fifth Gear comes over as what it actually is - a poor man's version of Top Gear.

For some reason, the new series sees VB-H having to share a transport cafe with the insufferable Tim Lovejoy who should have been left on Soccer AM.

The on-screen chemistry which makes Top Gear such a success is so lacking with these two that it's almost like watching a blind date go badly wrong.

Then there's Jason Plato who proves that racing drivers should perhaps stay behind the wheel and leave presenting to others.

Poor old Tiff. You suspect that he could have slotted nicely into the Top Gear format, but instead is left to powerslide his way into oblivion.