Movie reviews: Hitting the right notes

DIRECTORS of romantic comedy must go down on their knees and thank whatever movie gods they pray to whenever Drew Barrymore agrees to do one of their pictures.

Barrymore is like Peter Pan, sprinkling fairy dust wherever she goes and enabling the lamest film to fly through her sheer likeability.

Fortunately, she has a lot to work with in this surprisingly entertaining romcom. For one thing, there is Hugh Grant who is still the best at what he does. For another, there is Marc Lawrence, who wrote and directed.

Lawrence is not much of a director but he writes good scripts. His films are packed with the snappy back and forth banter that used to be a genre staple but is so hard to do that only really good practitioners, such as Barrymore and Grant, can pull it off.

Grant is former 80s pop idol whose career is on the wane. He is given a shot in the arm by an upcoming Christina clone, who wants to sing a duet with him, providing he writes the song.

His problem is he could not write home for money. Enter Barrymore as the ditzy plant girl who looks after the foliage in his apartment and turns out to have a neat way with a lyric.

Before you know it, these two are churning out three-chord gold. When things are going this well can romance be far away? Well, yes, but only far enough away to ensure it does turn out all right in the very end.

Apart from being consummate romcom stars, Barrymore and Grant have a winning chemistry. In a romantic comedy if the audience likes the stars enough to want them to get together you are halfway home.

As insurance there is wonderful comic support from Kristen Johnson and the sublime Brad Garrett, while Campbell Scott pops up as the closest thing the film has to a villain.

Music and Lyrics may be entirely predictable to the point of contrivance, but that does not stop it being highly amusing. Director: Marc Lawrence Running time: 103mins CHARLOTTE'S WEB (u)Lovable tale from the funny farm

LIKE taking your kids to see Bambi, reading them Charlotte's Web is one of those childhood rights of passage.

In both cases you think you are exposing them to a classic and, before you know where you are, you end up explaining the verities of life and death to unhappy little tear-stained faces.

It is a bit of a leap then to turn E B White's much loved story into a modern feelgood film, but director Garry Winnick has a decent stab at it.

Dakota Fanning is the heroine of our tale. She adopts Wilbur, the runt of the litter, when he is but a piglet. Then, when he gets older, she seems shocked when her father attempts to turn him into bacon sarnies, even though as an 11-year-old growing up on a farm she can't be entirely ignorant of the concept.

Wilbur lives in the barn and is tolerated by the older livestock with weary forbearance. His one real friend is Charlotte the spider. As a spring pig, Wilbur is destined for the smoke house come Christmas, but Charlotte promises he will see the winter snow.

Unfortunately, only one of them is going to be around to see if the promise is fulfilled.

The emotional impact of the book is somewhat fudged here, but have a hankie - and an explanation - ready for the little ones. Director: Garry Winnick Running time: 97mins GOAL 2: LIVING THE DREAM (12A) Football film has no real kick

IT IS curious that a film so heavily supported by Uefa and assorted senior films should depend on one of the game's cardinal rules being broken to get it up and running.

Goal 2 begins with Santi Munez (Kuno Becker) being transferred from Newcastle to Real Madrid. But he is still under contract at Newcastle, which means he has to have been tapped up. That's a serious offence - just ask Ashley Cole.

The fact I even notice things like this is an indication of how boring Goal 2 really is.

Having gone to Real Madrid, the charisma-free Becker is surrounded by the likes of Beckham, Zidane and Raul in this two-hour orgy of product placement for boys toys.

I perked up at one point when I thought I had spotted Uncle Fester from The Addams Family, but it turned out to be Celtic's Thomas Gravesen in his Bernabeu days.

The football storyline is farcical and the rest of the plot about Santi and his long lost mother is pure soap opera.

Living the dream?

Only because it will send the audience to sleep. Director: Jaume Collet-Serra Running time: 118mins FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION (12a) In-jokes miss the target

I yield to no one in my admiration for the films of Christopher Guest. From Spinal Tap to A Mighty Wind they are genuine comedy gold.

Guest was probably due a misfire and I am afraid this is it. It is funny enough, but most of the comedy comes from movie industry in-jokes that will sail way over the heads of the audience.

The action takes place during filming and post-production of a schmaltzy drama Home For Purim, a Jewish tearjerker set in the Deep South.

An internet rumour surfaces that its star Catherine O'Hara may be worthy of an Oscar nomination. Instantly, the set is ablaze with possibility and everyone gets swept up in awards fever.

Guest has assembled his usual ensemble cast, this time including Ricky Gervais in another pointless American cameo. Director: Christopher Guest Running time: 86mins HANNIBAL RISING (18) Origin story lacks any real bite

LIKE hundreds of thousands of others, I had pre-ordered Thomas Harris's latest episode of the Hannibal Lecter saga just before Christmas and, like hundreds of thousands of others, I was deeply disappointed by a really awful book.

Discouragingly, a really awful book has now been turned into an even worse film.

In keeping with current cinematic trends, Hannibal Rising purports to be Lecter's 'origin' story, the tale of how he came to be Hannibal the Cannibal.

Unfortunately, it is so literal and so lacking in subtlety it is hard to work out how this bloodthirsty teenage psycho managed to evolve into the witty, elegant, and charming serial killer audiences have come to know and love.

Apparently, it was all because Hannibal had a really bad childhood on the Eastern Front in the Second World War. His murderous path begins when he discovers the names of those responsible and hunts them down for vengeance.

The book relies on an irritating flashback sequence repeated to the point of tedium. The film uses the same tactic, but here it looks like an even more obvious attempt to flesh out thin material.

Gaspard Ulliel is young Hannibal, leading a cast that includes Gong Li and many others for whom English is not their first language. Even those actors who do speak English - Dominic West, Rhys Ifans, and Kevin McKidd - act as though it were not their first language.

For all its many faults, the book at least had the saving grace of being elegantly written in parts. The same can't be said for a film that is dull, unimaginative and extremely boring. Director: Peter Webber Running time: 120mins EPIC MOVIE (tbc) Top films are lampooned

No press screening for this one - at the time of writing it did not even have a certificate.

It marks the directing debut of the two guys who wrote all four Scary Movie films and gives the same treatment to recent blockbusters.

Pirates Of The Caribbean, X-Men, Superman Returns, Charlie And The Chocolate Factory and The Chronicles Of Narnia are among the titles being lampooned by a cast of vaguely familiar faces.

I don't know if it's good, but it is certainly popular - it was the No1 film in America when it was released there 10 days ago. Director: Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer Running time: 86mins BLOOD AND CHOCOLATE (12a) Dilemma for a werewolf in love

No press screening either for this German fantasy film.

It tells the tale of Agnes Bruckner, a young woman who comes from a long line of werewolves. However, when she meets and falls in love with Hugh Dancy, she has to choose between her heart and her legacy.

It is based on a popular book by Annette Curtis Klause and fans of the book seem generally unhappy with the movie version. Director: Katja von Garnier Running time: 98mins