THE WANDERER: The beautiful game in the words of William Shakespeare

This Is Lancashire: NO FAN William Shakespeare NO FAN William Shakespeare

GOOD old William Shakespeare celebrated his 450th birthday last week but the history books tell us he wasn’t much of a footie fan.

Back when he was scratching out sonnets with quill and ink, the beautiful game was a rather violent pass-time, usually regarded with distain by the gentry.

The Bard does give football a couple of mentions in his work – King Lear containing the disparaging line: “Nor tripped neither, you base football player.”

A Comedy of Errors – which would later be picked up in football parlance as any opponents’ goal that contains more than one mistake by the home defence – has a whole passage in Act Two, Scene One.

Am I so round with you as you with me, That like a football you do spurn me thus?

You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither: If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.

Now, I’m no thespian, but it doesn’t sound like Bill had a season ticket. He probably didn’t even have Sky Sports.

But it’s incredible to think that four-and-a-half centuries later, his words and phrases are still being used frequently everywhere from Hackney Marshes to Wembley Stadium.

Here, I present a list of Shakespearean idioms and a definition of how they are used in modern football.

Dogs of war: Used to describe any rough and tumble team, especially Joe Royle’s 1995 FA Cup winning side at Everton.

All that glitters is not gold: What David Moyes may be thinking right now.

Method to his madness: What Wanderers fans were hoping would be the case when Dougie Freedman lined-up with a back five against Leicester City on Tuesday night.

Set your teeth on edge: What happens when you see a particularly nasty injury, e.g. David Busst, Eduardo.

Faint-hearted: Who shouldn’t watch the video of said tackles on YouTube.

So-so: A fair adjective to describe Wanderers’ season.

Good riddance: What a lot of Bolton fans said when the club sacked Gary Megson.

Seen better days: What a lot of Bolton fans said when the club signed Peter Beardsley.

Too much of a good thing: Mario Jardel.

Send him packing: Mario Jardel again.

Fight fire with fire: Not advisable. Contravenes a lot of health and safety laws.

Wear your heart on your sleeve: Jay Spearing’s mantra.

Come what May: Summer holidays for footballers.

Come full circle: Wanderers now looking for a proven goalscorer.

Vanish into thin air: Tyrone Mears.

Be all and end all: Premier League football for big spending QPR next season.

Dead as a doornail: QPR’s automatic promotion hopes.

Wild goose chase: Wanderers trying to sign Portugal international Miguel Veloso a few years back.

A sorry sight: The derelict pubs and buildings around the old Burnden Park.

Comments (3)

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1:43pm Sun 27 Apr 14

CarlXVIGustaf says...

What a waste of ink.
What a waste of ink. CarlXVIGustaf
  • Score: -1

1:51pm Sun 27 Apr 14

CarlXVIGustaf says...

And it's 'glisters' not 'glitters'
And it's 'glisters' not 'glitters' CarlXVIGustaf
  • Score: -1

6:03pm Thu 1 May 14

Liamdog says...

Pathetic journalism
Pathetic journalism Liamdog
  • Score: 0

Comments are closed on this article.

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