I HAVE been following with interest and concern the recent correspondence in your columns inspired by the letter from Mr Hilton Dawson MP (Citizen: May 14). You will recall that Mr Dawson found connotations of racism and fascism in the phrase Remember ! A vote for Labour is a vote for Henig.

The derision which Mr Dawson has brought down upon himself by his interpretation of that phrase has caused him some discomfort but I do wonder if the true value of his message has been overlooked in the ensuing brouhaha. Accordingly, on behalf of the society which I have the honour to represent, I call to your attention some hitherto overlooked considerations which I invite you to place before your readers in the interests of justice and fair play.

First it's essential to analyse how Mr Dawson could have arrived at his interpretation of the offending phrase. Clearly, having read the name "Henig", he has identified a characteristic possessed by Mr Henig (the fact that he is Jewish) and inferred into the phrase offensive references to the identified characteristic. Let it be acknowledged at once that this is a remarkable and innovative approach to linguistic analysis which is capable of the widest possible application. Even in the present case it opens up unexplored possibilities. For Mr Henig is not only Jewish. He is also male, middle-aged, and follically challenged. Re-applying Mr Dawson's technique ("the Dawson Inference") to the same phrase therefore we can see that it carried connotations of sexism, ageism and baldism as well as the other isms identified by Mr Dawson. Do you realise that without this invaluable tool of analysis which Mr Dawson has placed in our hands (free of charge, I might add) we might never have known about this dreadful plague of isms in our midst ?

Of course the Dawson Inference is not confined to local affairs. It can open up hidden meanings in any phrase which mentions a name. Thus the sentence "Paul McCartney played bass for the Beatles" is exposed by the Dawson Inference as a covert attack on left-handed people everywhere, whilst the statement "JFK became US President in 1961" can be seen for the onslaught upon Roman Catholics that it really is.

The possibilities are endless. Mr Dawson's contribution to human learning is thus unique and should be given due recognition. It is true that the Dawson Inference might rank a few steps lower than Pythagoras's Theorem or Boyles's Law in the pantheon of scientific discoveries but like them it has opened up new insights for mankind. Unlike them however it is not fettered by any tiresome links with reality.

Despite all of this, the impression seems to have been given by your pages that Mr Dawson has been a little silly in writing as he did, hence his complaints to you, while all you can offer by way of defence is the feeble excuse that you have failed to misrepresent his words. Come, come, sir !

This really will not do, as I am sure you will agree after giving solemn consideration to the contents of this letter. I therefore trust that in future you will comport yourself more appropriately towards Mr Dawson, firstly by editing out any silliness which may find its way into his letters to you and secondly, when reporting any of his actions which might seem to be silly, by pretending that they are not silly at all.

Name and address supplied

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.