New year, new century, new millennium - same old codswallop!

The great and the good have lined up to tell us that we've never had it so good yet a close look at the bigger picture reveals something completely different.

We all try to look on the bright side of life but sometimes you wonder if some people are on the same planet.

Locally, we're enjoying a tourism bonanza, a renaissance which is the envy of our rivals. Official statistics prove that more people have popped into the local tourism offices than ever before and a small coppice near Silverdale has been felled so the world can share the great news.

But don't rush to open a trinket shop for the tourist hordes just yet - there's not just one but a swarm of flies in the ointment. The truth is Morecambe's famous Midland Hotel can't attract a buyer and faces the very real prospect of being boarded up.

The resort's theme park Frontierland is being "rightsized" which is a polite way of saying slashed to just eight kiddie rides to match the true number of visitors.

The most impressive building on the promenade, the Winter Gardens, is a lovely empty shell that looks likely to stay that way for years to come.

One of the few remaining tourist attractions, Bubbles, looks likely to cost taxpayers hundreds of thousands of pounds just to keep open for a year or so but there's more than an outside chance it could be closed down altogether.

Lancaster Castle, which would attract tens of thousands of wealthy tourists to the city, remains a prison and there is absolutely no political will to change the status quo.

And now we hear that one of the district's jewels in the crown, Leighton Hall, could also be closing its doors to the paying public because of financial difficulties. Sorry to continue my doom merchant ways folks but read between the lines and that's exactly how it is.

Morecambe and the surrounding area might not be in the coma it was in the late 70s and early 80s but it's still in intensive care.

The legend of Eric Morecambe may have given the resort a kiss of life but, unless there's something for tourists to see or do when they get here, they certainly won't be coming back.

So the council wants to impose canine apartheid on Morecambe's beaches despite it being one of the few safe places where dogs can be let off the lead.

After all these years in newspapers I still don't understand why so many Brits insist on treating dog poo as if it's fizzing plutonium waste. I know dogs leave a lot to be desired when it comes to table manners but for hundreds of year humans quite happily dumped at sea. But now that we're civilised we pump thousands of tonnes of the stuff a mile out to sea and pretend the polluted water has nothing to do with us. For the 21st century - let's get real!

Converted for the new archive on 14 July 2000. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.