I DON’T tend to like programmes about dance, or those featuring celebrities doing stuff for charity. In fact, I detest them.

I was caught off guard, though, in one of those moments when you’ve had a couple of Saturday afternoon drinks and are gauging the time when you should go out for the evening, but don’t want to do so yet in case you peak too soon.

So, there we were watching an average rugby union international when suddenly it was all over and on came this. Before I knew it we were 20 minutes in and still watching.

Annoying presenters (Steve and Alex Jones) aside, the line-up was enough to have me running for my copy of Who Do They Think They Are? A Guide To Celebrities Who Aren’t Really Famous.

GMTV presenter Penny Smith, pop veteran Lulu and comedian Noel Fielding, fair enough, but Jarred Christmas, Andi Osho, James Thornton and Charlie Baker?

The judging panel was okay, with Lee Mack and Keith Lemon compensating for Jack Whitehall, Mack interjecting at the end of each “act” with: “I think we’ve found our winner. Now let’s go to the bar.” Good idea, Lee.

Penny’s Britney Spears, complete with revealing outfit, was somewhat disturbing, but the panel did its best to cover up its collective shock, while Lulu’s re-incarnation as a hip-hop artist was odd, but she did quite well, though rather over-egged it throughout the rest of the programme.

Fielding’s Kate Bush was as it should be, funny and irreverent, while Baker and Thornton’s tap-dancing exploits were entertaining enough. I missed Andi Osho as I’d moved into getting-ready mode by that point.

The tap-dancers and Fielding were rightly voted through, but not before we had to endure a preview clip of a Comic Relief programme in which Lenny Henry, Angela Rippon and some others go off to Uganda to witness poverty and visit a health centre in which people are queuing for malaria checks that could be done for around 80p a time with the sort of kits we have over here.

That’s more than a million people diagnosed for the price of a bankers’ bonus . . . more than a million people diagnosed for a miniscule percentage of the cost of a war . . . more than a million people diagnosed for a fraction of Lenny Henry’s bank balance.

Gave me more cause for thought than any of the dancers did.